I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
