brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Swine flu is the new snow day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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