After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
