Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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