Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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