Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it's like heaven, but drunker
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize