So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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