first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
