Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
