Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
God I need to hump something, right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize