the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
