we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
