No more Irish car bombs ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
