your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
