pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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