dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
