somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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