Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
