I wish I only lived at night.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
