She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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