I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize