can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
