well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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