If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
