i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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