with your own penis?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
