my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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