We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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