i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
