If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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