Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
