My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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