The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
