Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
