I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
