Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
