Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
