I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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