Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
