Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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