I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
