My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
