So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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