I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
