I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
