I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
