She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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