I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
