It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
