All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
did i walk over a car last night?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
