he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
