some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
