It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
