if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is wine microwaveable?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
BRING THE BAGELS
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
