i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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