So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize