you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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