she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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