I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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