hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
