smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize