dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize